Sunday, November 8, 2009

The best part about being a man is that I'm not a woman.

One of my friends calls me a kitten. It’s usually via text and it’s usually her playing around about how I’m a smitten kitten in regards to my love for her. I text her back, I’m a man, not a kitten.  Whenever she calls me a kitten a part of my manhood dies. I sit here and think. Does she want me to be a kitten or a man? Does she know what a man is? Does she think I’m a man? Am I a man? Why does she think it’s okay to call me a kitten?

Then there’s this advertisement on for World of Warcraft which reads in dramatic images
“Over 11 million people…next slide… have experienced the intensity…next slide… now it’s your turn, 10 day free trial. As the tag line says, it’s not a game, it’s a world. Why does World of Warcraft give you a 10 day free trial? Because they know if they can just get a boy, who’s old enough to be a man, to spend a few hours in a reality that isn’t real and creates a world where a man can fight for something, live outside his comfort zone, and decide where he wants to go and when he wants to go there that they will get a that boy to play and pay for a lifetime. In case you were unsure World of Warcraft is a game and isn’t a world at all.

Or how about football, this imitation of war; two sides fighting against each other in sport, meaningless sport that millions of men and woman watch every week I believe all longing for something else but it doesn’t exist.

Why is it that I walk around wanted to break and destroy things? And furthermore why is it that instead of actually doing it I just instead give a heavy sigh.  Is this feeling only felt by me? Am I the only one that’s dying inside to matter on a larger scale? Am I the only person that feels he doesn’t have an outlet for his God given aggression?  Woman and society (more the intellectual society) ask the men in their lives to be calmer, quieter, and more passive and more like females.  This aggression that I share with all my fellow males around the world with no outlet, with no noble purpose is wasting away in the depths or our souls. Depressed men walk around with no purpose felling dead or men that lie in their beds wondering why get out of them when life is so boring, dull and controllable.

I have come to some conclusions about my life recently and I’d like to share them with you. The first is that my God isn’t controllable and since I’m made in his image there is a part of me that desires the uncontrolled. Second is that I’m done with being passive. Nothing kills me soul more than not standing up for the things I believe in. Nothing makes me want to die more than not having the ability to fight in a real battle. I care less and less what people think about me the older I get. And the older I get the more and more fed up I get with this “civilized society.”

I’ve realized why the past year of my life I’ve been depressed. I’m realized why for as long as I can remember I’ve not been content with where I am in life and it all boils down to my manhood and the things that make me a man. Woman and men are different. And I don’t want you to think that when I say something about a man that I think that the opposite is true for a woman. For example, if I say men want an adventure that doesn’t mean I think woman don’t. When I make a statement don’t read into that statement anything more than what I’m saying. Men and women are different and it’s a beautiful design made by a beautiful creator.

I drive a motorcycle and the number one thing I have heard people tell me is you’re going to die on that thing. Maybe that’s the point and I haven’t really been able to explain it in entirety at all. I’m sick of living this boring, passive, futile life. Maybe the reason that I drive a motorcycle is to die…or rather to feel alive enough to die. Maybe I’m not afraid of death or its consequences. And maybe I would invite death to come as long as I get a battle to fight and a woman to save.

With all that being said what is that my heart longs to do. I want to run with gazelle and hunt wild untamed creatures. I want to not know where I’m going to get food for that day to survive and not be able to eat until I find, kill, prepare and eat that food. I want to fear for my life in a way that shows me I’m alive and by no means in control. I want to come face to face with God in his nature and prevail as the one that has conquered. What man doesn’t want his nickname to be the conqueror?  What I don’t want is to look at my cell phone again to see if I have another text message. God save me and my soul.

I don’t even know everything I want to say really other than this. If you’re a man, it’s okay to stand up and be a man, to fail and then try again and then fail and try again. Dignity, honor, and character are all real things that every man should aspire to. If you’re a man and you’re tired of the life you’re living make a change. Be more fierce. Be proud at the right times and always humble. Find an adventure to live and a woman to live that adventure with. I’m in the process of doing this right now. The problem is finding a woman that doesn’t want you to be a cowardly, passive wimp and supports you in your search of manhood.

If you’re a woman try first understanding what makes a man a man before you tell him to do something that you think he should do. Try to see us men through the eyes of God and us men and not through your eyes. You want us to be tame but we don’t want to be tamed…and if I were to be quite honest with you I would say that you don’t really want to marry a tame man. No woman watches Disney movies and desires for the male role to be a passive wimp,  an insecure man that doesn’t know his role and that doesn’t know how to ride a horse and fight. You want to marry a man who will defend you and love you and fight for you and I believe you also want to go on an adventure with this man. Both of you conquering the world together in this untamed place we call Earth. Don’t marry a man that you can baby and be his mother.

I write all this to you and fear in my head that you think that these things are all fantasies.  That you’ll never find a man that wants to be a man. I fear that too but I’ll tell you that the more constructive encouraging you do to the men around you, not letting them settle for being wimps, the more likely you’re find a man and have a wonderful, happy, secure wild and exciting life for the rest of your life…together.

I also want to say that there are plenty of real battles to fight that are life and death. There are millions of people on this world that need someone to fight for them. There are people that are displaced, abandoned, orphaned and just plain bullied. We need real men to stand up to the bullies and tyrants. And maybe kill them. Wouldn't that be amazing. Love. War.

Please read Wild at Heart by John Eldredge
Song of Soloman by Soloman
And Proverbs in the Old Testament of the Bible

For a better understand of what I’m talking about.

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