Tuesday, October 26, 2010

It's Not the 'Twelve Step' but it's Close

When I was younger, I had what some people like to call nervous energy.Sometimes, my parents would tell me to go run around the house...and I did, my little legs carrying me as fast as they could. I was as fast as a whip. In my 5th grade year, I held the record for the mile run: 6:19, if my memory serves. Not bad for a scrawny 10 year-old. Mr.Shawnburg said I tied two other guys but I was obviously way ahead of them. Is it really that hard to be a gym teacher?

Anyway, I have no idea where this energy came from. I mean, obviously it came from God, but I don't know why he so decided to bless me, of all people, with it. People ask me to not put my feet on their chairs because they get annoyed with the shaking. When people talk about being a night person or a day person, I tell them that I'm both...because I am. People even asked me if I had A.D.D. and I told them no, why? Did you eat paint chips when you were younger?

I've realized one amazing thing while teaching that has changed this once scrawny, now slightly bigger, guy’s life.  I acted the same, when I when I was younger as the kids that I don't like in class act, because they are so crazy, and have so much energy. (Granted a lot of the kids might get all their energy from sweets that their parents so ignorantly bestow into their little grubby fingers. My energy was much more pure and untainted, but still.)

Step one: Realize you were the problem.

Coming to the realization that I was such a problem to have in class I so decided to write the teachers who were bless enough to have me in the past and apologize to them for my behavior, or lack there of. The email went something to the effect of this:

Step two: Correct your wrongs by very impersonal email apology letter.

Dear [teacher],

I don't know if you remember me but I just wanted to write you a letter and tell you that I'm an English teacher now in Seoul and totally understand how hard it is to teach [Korean] kids who suck and don't behave, and wanted to apologize for my sucky behavior in your class. I regret it and I'm sorry. love. war.

% Page

This is just one of the replies that I've received back from one of my teachers, who for some reason has a disgustingly sick memory. My gut-busting, harassingly witty comments are in bold green.

"Page! Yes, I remember you, you were in my 10th grade English Honors (Honors...you know it) class in Mr. Sapp's room in the 600 building (WHAT!?!!?). I used to let you pace the back of the room so that you
would be moving and could concentrate. (I don't even remember thisYou were doing t-shirts for awhile, I remember. (Not just tee-shirts Stephanie Wallace...clothing

I am doing well...We are loving life! I am quite proud of you for what you are doing! I always told you that once you learned to focus that energy you would touch lives. (I'm not really touching anything) Congratulations! (This job was a piece of cake to get)

Stephanie Wallace, MA
National Board Certified Teacher"

Step three: Pray your previous teachers that you can't get a hold of are retired.

The main teacher that I wanted to write an apology note to is named Mrs. Huffman. I talked as much as Malibu Barbie would, if she was alive, in that class. I couldn't find the Huff on my high school's website. I pray she's retired and not dead.  

Step four: Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

I think all 3 step programs, 12 step programs, any training programs, and all weight lose programs should always end with Krispy Kreme doughnuts. There's no better reward for the disciplined than hot and fresh! love. war. 

p.s. The picture is my man Greg running the Kirspy Kreme challenge in Raleigh, NC. 

Things to think about:

-Obama and his inexperience
-Page and his inexperience

Things to read:

Thursday, October 7, 2010

...is the Act of Providing Sexual Services to Another Person in Return for Payment

Do you know what it’s like residing in the 3rd most populous city in the world? I'm going to say something that might shock you: but it's nothing like living in the mountains save the smell of piss; which, oddly enough, is more prevalent in the this city than I thought it'd be. It's around this pleasant time of year that I start to drastically love America. And, since I'm not in America, this equates to a little bit of home sickness.

No this post isn't about nostalgia, but fall is by far the most
nostalgic season of the year. It's almost impossible to get nostalgic in the summer, spring, or winter like in the fall; you can believe me...I'm the king of nostalgia.

Walking around Seoul is a sight to behold. If I was good at painting pictures with words and liked repeating myself I'd do that right now. And since I have no pictures and you can access my previous posts you'll just have to envisage it.

What is it like walking around where you live? Usually to get out of their boring existence, the people that I rub shoulders with think it's the top of the world to go to the section of Seoul that is called Itaewon.

Itaewon is where Korean girls go who want to find American men to date, 
and where American guys go to find Korean girls to date. 

There's also another difference between Itaewon and the mountains where I’m from. Itaewon is a place our brothers in the American military go to have sex with sex slaves.

What. the. hell.

Wikipedia describes Itaewon like this and I quote: "Prostitution has long been visible in Itaewon. Although efforts to crack down...have reduced the visibility of the trade, brothels still exist and are quite easy to find."

I wish I was brilliant enough to make this post funny and witted. I wish I had the capability of writing a sarcastically magnificent blog post that would encourage every living and breathing soul who reads it to change their actions and stop wasting money on fancy shoes,
on spending hours drinking alcohol at their local bar, on eating out for countless meals, and on their own happiness. I know that I don't. But it's a good thing I'm not talking to them...

I'm talking to you.

Do you ever get frustrated with spending money to indulge in your own happiness? Do you ever stop to think what you're spending your money on?
While walking around Itaewon for the first time two weeks ago, I saw women ready to give men anything they desire. I saw women invite me into their brothels. I know not whether they are slaves in the industry, tricked to coming to Seoul in the hopes of a better life, or if they are merely women who never had a good father to protect them.

Whichever one, needlessly drinking and having fun in a bar in Itaewon while 50 feet away a Filipino girl lies under the panting, sweating body of an American militant, closing her eyes waiting for the pain of his forceful penis to end and him to finish, is a feeling that sits foul in my bowels. And since I have a problem with having a good time while woman are forced to have sex with military men I'm not going to be spending money on anything that isn't necessary.

No little girl ever dreams of becoming a prostitute when she's young.

"Daddy, daddy you know what I want to be when I grow up, a whore."

I'm not condemning your actions. You just didn't know. I didn't either. I'm the chief sinner. I have 10 grand of credit card debt. It's time to start being responsible. I am. Would you like to join me? 

Things to think about:
-Getting married
-selling some things you don't need
-Taking action, living simply, and donating your money instead of indulging in your and my selfishness.

Things to listen to:
-your heart