Friday, July 15, 2011
You Said, "I Do" Forever...Now How Do You Get Out of It?
I've recently connected with a couple of friends that I was friends with a long time ago and I wanted to share something blazingly obvious and peculiarly annoying. The brilliantly obvious is that people don't change. I've heard it before from thousands of boring, thoughtless people and I agree with the premise but disagree with the conclusion. People don't change...but people can change. The parculiarly annoying thing is that people do change but sometimes it's not for the better. It's peculiar because I just assumed everyone's changing for the better. And it's annoying because they think they are.
This road of life we're ask to find ourselves. Someone somewhere along the line has asked us to ask ourselves who we really are; what our likes and dislikes are, how we think, why we think the way we do, and a whole lot of other useless garbage in the middle. My uncle told me once you shouldn't get married till 30 because you don't know yourself till then. I love my uncle but I disagree with him. (Though I speak from ignorance I feel it's reasoned and semi-educated ignorance (the best kind)) Getting married isn't about knowing who you are but rather knowing who you'd die for. Once you know that you'd give up every thing to be with someone it doesn't matter that you like vanilla ice cream and despise watermelon chocolate ice cream. You just eat the watermelon chocolate because you love. And loving is the most important.
I'm reminded of the When Harry Met Sally quote: "I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
And while I wasn't intending this blog to be a marriage blog I guess it's just turned into one. Marriage is hard as hell and as rewarding as the spoils of war. Raising children is equal to it. But how we should act in our marriage, men, is how Christ acted in life. He died for the thing he loved. us. If you're thinking about divorce, there was a time in your marriage you were willing to for them.
I'd like to be the someone along your road of life that doesn't ask you to find yourself because once you find yourself you'll realize you were looking for the wrong thing. What it is about is finding other people. Other people are there, I swear they are and they need you.
So we come back to my friends and the change thing. My friends are great. They love but there's this sense of "who I am" that is frustrating them. Finding your identity does matter, don't get me wrong, but finding your identity isn't done by looking for it. Because when you look for your identity in the world you end up divorcing your spouse. Can you make the connection on your own or do I have to draw it for you?
I'll leave you with this simple conversation I had with a very simple girl today. She's 5.
Page: Mackenzie, it's not good to be selfish.
Mackenzie: I want to watch yo gabba.
Page: Do you know what being selfish is?
Page: It's when we only think about ourselves.
Mackenzie: (laughing) That's a good thing.
When we try to find who we are we're being selfish like 5-year-old Mackenzie. It took me years of looking for myself to realize this. Love God and Love your neighbor as yourself. All that matters fall on these two commandments. All the rest is your insecurities that should just go away. love. war.
Things to think about:
-You can always find a better wife
-Being broke. literally without money. what do you do?
-What finger you should wear a ring on? (The pointer finger is the worst)
-natural blondes vs red heads
Things to watch/listen to:
-Listened to non-stop for 3 days
-It's Dancy Dance time
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I agree to a point (eating the watermelon chocolate because you love and the WHMS quote), but then I just spent roughly the last 10 years loving the heck out of nobunny. It didn't really help me because now I think I'm so underdeveloped that if the right person came along I'd be too hollow to actually love them.
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