Sunday, March 6, 2011

Before he was Chuck Norris...he was WALKER, Texas Ranger!

I'm contemplating settling the Lone Star state. And, while I know that the great state of Texas has already been settled, it still lacks a certain man that goes by my name. This wouldn't be that big of a move for me  being that I just got back from Seoul and before that Prague...but that's not the point. My happenings around the world don't interest me much and should, therefore, equally not interest you. Been there, blogged that.  The point isn't whether this is a big move or not but is this a move that should be made?

I've been to Texas once before. It was on a road trip that I took with Luke Logan. The one man that is the craziest man I know. At the time we were not adolescences but not men either. It was the summer of my sophomore year at App State and Luke had family in Petaluma  that he wanted to spend time with during the summer. I, a worthy road mate, decided that taking a cross country road trip was something long past due in my tenure as a human and so we set out. Eating one Oreo a piece for every state we crossed, we finally arrived in Texas. Skipping loads of amazing, blog worthy stories, I take you to Marshall. Now Marshall wasn't your average hitch hiker and it's safe to say that he wasn't safe. But not picking him up wasn't an option.

Luke: Okay I don't have many goals for this road trip other than three things.
Page: All right let's hear them.
Luke: I want to get to Petaluma.
Page: All right.
Luke: I want to do lots of things we've never done before.
Page: Good.
Luke: And I want to pick up a hitch hiker.
Page: Awesome.

Hours outside of Fort Worth, after spending a couple days with my lover’s wife and family, we see the thumb, the clothes, and the face of Marshall Hitch Hiker, not to be confused with Herschel Walker,

Or Walker Texas Ranger,

or Stranger Danger. Which I wasn't aware of.

Marshall didn't speak much. And when I say he didn't speak much I mean he spoke maybe 5 words the entire ride to El Paso. From the backseat of the car I could see Marshall in the side view mirror and his face went from steady to smiling to almost a laugh and back again to straight every minute for the next 2 hours we drove. By the time we got to El Paso it was dark and we decided to look around the town. I explained to Marshall what we were doing and he seemed to understand. He followed us 50 ft behind everywhere we explored. I was assuming Marshall would sleep with us now that we were like the Three Amigos, traveling the open frontier. Luke told me, as Marshall trailed, he didn't think it would be smart for Marshall to spend the night with our the middle of nowhere. I told Luke that God would protect us and giving this guy some hospitality might be what he needed...Luke disagreed. Not wanting to get in an argument with my dear friend, I politely explained to our tear-drop-tattoo-faced friend that we weren't going any further and he couldn't sleep with us. He got his bag and walked away without a word. I'll always love that crazy man. And while it's obvious that Luke read the book Stranger Danger and I hadn't at that point I always wonder what would have happened had Marshall shared the tent with us that night. I'd probably not be writing you now. But...

This story doesn't help me try to decide whether or not I should move to Austin but it seemed unbelievably relevant to explain to you the type of people that I've met in Texas before you're able to make an accurate decision and give me sound wisdom with irreproachable objectivism.  Of course much of my decision is based on whether I can convince someone to employ me with this $50,000 degree that everyone told me I should get. If I'm able to do that it's safe to say I'll be in the Texas militia in no time. Love. War.

Things to think about:
-Chuck Norris can sit while standing
-If Chuck Norris ever roundhouse kicked you in the face, you could never turn the other cheek because you'd be dead.
-When Chuck Norris is thirsty he drinks a pint of peanut butter.

Things to watch:

Things to read:

Things I'm reading:

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