Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I heard Billy likes Jen but she likes Sam and Billy ain't having it. Someone's going to die.

It’s 51 degrees in Boone and raining. The temperature is getting colder by the second. I’d like to move to San Diego or Phoenix. I have one more year in this amazing little mountain town.

My dad tells me, wise man that he is, that I should be wiser in the things I tell the world in my notes. I agree with him but the problem with wisdom is that it’s always damn singing in the streets. Saying that I’ve implored more wisdom now in the things I divulge knowing that a lot of diverse people read the things I write. Fathers, Mothers, Aunts, Uncles, the occasional friend, and various other loved ones…and perhaps an enemy and stranger here and there. My audience used to be composed of strictly college students but times have changed and so has my attack. More vague, and more toxic.

The songs I’m listening to on my playlist are all about love (save “Get your Freak on”…which is more about getting your freak on and less about love…I guess). It’s not because I’m thinking about love more than usual or specifically want to listen to songs about love but rather because people write songs about love. Can I share with you some of the titles of songs that I’m speaking of. “Wrapped up in you”, “Ain’t no Sunshine”, “Moving On”, “Higher Ground” “Luv to Luv Ya” (again that song might be more about sex…I guess) What is love? If I wrote a song about love right now it would be tainted by whimsical emotions and multihued language.  Any love that I could possibly feel for another woman is riddled with mixed emotions not even solvable by the finest riddleist and plagued with personal feelings not felt by Aphrodite herself. You might say Page your feelings are simple and easily explainable but like my friend Julian Casablancas so eloquently put

I don’t want what you want, I don't feel what you feel, See I'm stuck in a city, But I belong in a field.

The are some inherent problems with loving someone that’s so different from yourself. I’m not going to talk about them because this note isn’t supposed to be about love.

 I’ve spent the last hour on the phone talking to someone I loved who doesn’t share the same feelings for me that I have for them. The most interesting conversation I’ve ever had I think. What is love; A quagmire of thoughts, kisses, and touches stolen at the expense of others; either willingly or unwillingly.

 People think that because we’re young we don’t understand what love is. Or even worse because we’re young the idealistic views that we have about love and more particularly marriage aren’t true. I’ll tell you what I know. That I’m going to marry the girl I love and I will never leave her no matter what. People think I’m being ignorant when I make this statement but I’m not. I’ll also never sign a prenup whether I’m rich or she’s rich. If you can’t trust the person you’re marrying then don’t get married. Also if you love your money more than you love her or him don’t waste your time. Spend the rest of your life loving your money and rot in hell and leave the good single girls and guys to people who want to love them. 

As I discuss things like this with my other brilliant classmates (and I use the term brilliant loosely to mean either stupid or really stupid) who always say “You don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, what if she wants to leave you and take your money?” I say a couple things. First I say you’re not bloody Paul McCartney and after they don’t understand I say the amount of money that you have or even will have doesn’t matter compared to the trust and love you’re giving someone else. I say if I marry the girl I love and she takes all my money either because she duped me or because she changed her mind and doesn’t love me anymore than let her have it. There’s way more to life than money. Second I say don’t marry a girl that loves money more than she loves you. Simple rules to follow.

I don’t believe that the opposite of peace is war and I don’t believe the opposite of love is hate.

I fall for girls fast. I think it’s because of the hope I have for an amazing relationship full of fun, laughing, a little bit of illegal activity, and trust. I haven’t had a girlfriend in five years and am no where close to having one any time soon. Maybe this is my lack of trust for the opposite sex or maybe I haven’t found the one that I’m speaking of in this note…or maybe I’ve set the bar too high for my face. I think Samantha would choose the third. Regardless of the real or true reason the truth remains: some girl out there will one day make me a very lucky man. God bless love and war; the only things that have no rules. 

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